Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
