But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
