dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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