Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
