i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
