His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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