no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
