you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
