i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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