talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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