I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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