I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
