all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
