So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize