she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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