What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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