You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
