I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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