I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize