I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
where are my eyebrows?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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