i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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