We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.