the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.