I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!