i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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