I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He has the fingertips of a God
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