just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize