so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I deserve this hangover.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize