ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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