dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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