ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
