Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
