dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
