I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
