It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
