Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
