Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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