i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
