she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
