you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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