it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
