they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
