Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
