Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
it hurts more in the daytime
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
