If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize