Nicole vs. Life
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
