If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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