I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
