I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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