even my farts smell like vagina
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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