So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
