now i know why i became what i already was.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
