apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
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theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
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How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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