Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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