so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
