OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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