Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
