I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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